I started to smoke as to calm myself down or will eventually cut my body parts with knife. Torturing myself with physical pain hoping the mental pain will gone soon but its still the same. Just the same like every fucking time. Blunt? took some and somehow it calms me down  and let me sleep in peace without worrying about what may come. it sucks to feel that way, to be in that kind of situation where depression hits you for a very long period.

Honestly, im giving up.
To be honest, im hopeless.
Feeling empty aside.